A man’s quest for fatherhood

I know he will be surprised to read this. He has often asked me if he was a good father. And every time, I pause and become uncertain of the answer. Not that I’m a woman, single and do not have children yet.

He is a father of two. His daughter turned six last week, while his son will turn five next month. He got married at 24, and was separated from his wife four years later. The marriage was far from perfect, and their differences made them decide to seek separate fates. After the separation, he seldom saw his children. In fact, the last time he was able to visit his children was almost two years ago.

It’s painful for a father not to see his children, send them to school, hear their voices, play with them and tuck them in bed. Each day that passes is filled with emptiness with no end.

He then realized that he should search inwards if he ever hoped to be reunited with his kids again. Money was one of the main reasons for the separation, and so he found a job. He worked hard, grabbed every opportunity that came his way. Failure shadowed him constantly, but he would not stop.

At work, he used his painful experiences as motivation. For him, the hardest part of life had already happened. It was time to live a new life.

Before long, he became a team leader at the workplace. He earned the trust and confidence of his superiors, and the respect of his peers. His colleagues are aware of his painful past, and they are only too happy for what this man has become.

He has managed to turn his life around almost completely. Yet, there is still that one important part missing to make the circle complete: His children. Soon, he will reveal himself to them, show them what he has become, and for whom he has done all these changes for. Soon, he vows, he will finally make them feel the love and care he has kept in his heart all these years.

So now, whenever he asks me if he was a good father, all I can answer is for him to look at himself. I believe fatherhood is not just the time a father spends with his children, or the things he is able to give them. It’s also about what a man has become to be a father to his children.

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This article was published in Philippine Daily Inquirer for Father's Day Supplement on June 17, 2007